i barfeds in our rink
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize