then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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