and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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