When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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