Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
