New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
