i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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