The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
please come you make the beer taste better
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
