I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
