her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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