three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
