I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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