Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
