he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He has the fingertips of a God
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
