i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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