Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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