my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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