Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
