first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
