respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
