In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize