his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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