I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
