so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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