I accidentally had phone sex last night
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
