I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
