DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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