Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
