At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
