another moral hangover. fuck.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
