Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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