I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
