i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
