I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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