JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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