I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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