Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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