And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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