you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
