I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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