the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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