dude i'm inner monologue high
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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