It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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