you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
