Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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