Swine flu is the new snow day.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
