Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
