Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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