Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude i'm inner monologue high
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
