I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
