Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
