mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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