I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
