I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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