all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
