You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
