so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
