he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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