Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
