He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
