M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Welp...herpes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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