You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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