There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
