did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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