capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
