Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and she was petting her beer can
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
