do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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