Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
