the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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