i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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