what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
