At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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