Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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