PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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