Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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