You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position