um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...