How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low