Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover