you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.