my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy