i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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