Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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